Fright Doggy Den Screamers
''After tha end of the Happzizzle Appzizzle blog, a post was made on November 18th, 2011, which leadz ta a freshly smoked up Snoop Bloggy-Blogg made by tha original gangsta blogger (Gerasim Yakovlev). Da second Snoop Bloggy-Blogg seems ta rap bout another missin Nickelodeon show, called Fright Doggy Den Screamers.''
November 18th, 2011
Yo, wuz crackalackin', biatch? Yo ass is smokin tha Fright Doggy Den Screamers blog. I be bloggin like a muthafucka up in dis biatch. Unlike tha Kool as Happzizzle Appzizzle, which gots a lil too big-ass n' had 56 or suttin' posts, dis Snoop Bloggy-Blogg is ghon be straight-up quick n' simple, round 5 posts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat it is ghon be a shitload mo' detailed than tha Kool as fuck Appy blog. I be bloggin like a muthafucka up in dis biatch.
Now, what tha fuck IS Fright Doggy Den Screamers, biatch? Fright Doggy Den Screamers was a 23-minute show dat aired on Nickelodeon on October 1st, 2000, n' kept bein aired every last muthafuckin Monday, until tha showz mad short end on tha 15th. Da showz deal was simple. Four teenagers would spend a night at a hustled place. Da show was kind of like Pimp Adventures yo, but shittier, cuz tha show was straight-up rushed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! To show a example, tha entire filming, editing, n' post-producin was done up in a week n' a half, which was slightly mo' betta than Happzizzle Appzizzle yo, but not by much.
Da teenagers be Trestan Yae, Jonathan Taylor, Jim Smizzle, n' Aren Doe. Yes, you read dat erectly. Trestan Yae was one of tha teenagers on Fright Doggy Den Screamers. I feel sorry fo' Trestan Yae, ta be honest son! Dude had ta voice Happzizzle Appzizzle up in all tha episodes, includin Season 2, had ta be up in a show dat was canceled afta 3 episodes, n' took a dirt nap cuz of Freddrick. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat letz git back ta tha point yo. How tha fuck did I git tha episodes dis time, biatch? Well, tha episodes certainly didn't come from Freddrick, I can rap dat son! When I was at Jim’s doggy den ta stop Freddrickz playas, I found a STD case, wit a sticky note dat read:
''"To Gerasim Yakovlev,''
''I hope yo ass peep these episodes. They're tha three episodez of Fright Doggy Den Screamers, plus all tha footage blasted fo' tha abrupt fourth one. ''
''-JF"''
I took it home, put tha STD n' note up in a spot dat I could easily remember n' shit. I also holla'd at mah dirty ass dat when Happzizzle Appzizzle was completed, I would brang up tha STD n' play tha episodes. Well, since Kool as fuck Appy is done once n' fo' all, I guess I be bout ta give tha episodes a look.
November 19th, 2011
Da first episode was called "Winchesta Mystery House" n' was bout tha teenagers goin tha fuck into tha Winchesta Mystery House. Da intro flossed tha four up in tha Mystery House, as paranormal thangs happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! After tha intro, it faded tha fuck into tha episode, n' flossed Trestan chillin on a cold-ass lil chair yo. Dude proceeded ta say "Yo, wuz crackalackin', biatch? Yo ass is smokin Fright Doggy Den Screamers. Today, we is goin ta git all up in tha Winchesta Mystery House. I be Trestan Yae, n' todizzle, we is goin ta git all up in tha Winchesta Mystery House. Yo muthafucka, Jonathan." Da playa holdin tha camera, whoz ass was presumably Jonathan, holla'd "Yo, Trestan." It cut ta a thugged-out dashboard camera, which was recordin a playa rollin a gangbangin' first-generation Chevrolet Express.
In tha background, Trestan, Jonathan, n' Jim Smizzle was rappin' bout tha place they was goin to. Da driver holla'd "Yo muthafucka, I be Aren Doe, n' I be tha crazy oldschool up in tha group". Well shiiiit, it cut ta tha van up in a parkin lot near tha Mystery House, n' tha Fright Doggy Den Screamers gettin out. We peep a cold-ass lil cameraman follow dem as they enter tha Mystery House. When they gots inside, Jim can be peeped rappin' ta a biatch bout tha lockdown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch holla'd "Is you shizzle you wanna spend a night all up in tha house?" In response, Jim holla'd "Of course. I don't wanna be rude yo, but why is you dissin our asses bout this?"
Da biatch broke off some disrespec "Well, tha activitizzle here is higher than what tha fuck it is normally. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I peeped fucked up dishes on tha floor, scratched doors, n' faint whispers, even if there be a no one up in tha building." Jim holla'd "Thanks fo' dem warnings. We bout ta record what tha fuck evidence we can find." Da show went ta tha commercial break, n' afta that, tha biatch locked tha Screamers up in tha house. Well shiiiit, it cut ta tha camera held by Trestan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude was struttin up in a hallway wit a infrared camera when da perved-out muthafucka saw a funky-ass blob up in one of tha rooms.
Da blob was human-shaped, had a heat signature, n' was moving. Trestan gots excited, ran ta tha door, n' quickly opened dat shit. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat there was not a god damn thang there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Well shiiiit, it goes ta Jonathanz camera, where da thug was bustin a EVP session up in a room. For yo' benefit, I be goin ta transcribe tha sessions up in every last muthafuckin episode yo. Herez tha sessionz transcription.
''Jonathan: This is Jonathan Taylor, n' we is bustin a EVP session all up in tha Winchesta Mystery Doggy Den fo' realz. Is there any pimps up in dis room?''
Our thugged-out asses hear no response from any pimp. Well shiiiit, it cuts ta 20 minutes up in tha session.
''Jonathan: We is bout ta leave dis room. Is there anythang you wanna say before our slick asses leave?''
Da door dat leadz outta tha room slams shut. Yo ass can barely hear a spirit whisper something.
''Unknown spirit: Don't, please.''
''Jonathan: Okay, now I be creeped out!''
It goes ta commercials, n' afta tha break, it shows Jimz camera yo. Dude brangs up a Winchesta rifle, n' say "Is there any pimps up in here, biatch? If so, do dis weapon right here make you muthafuckas mad salty?" But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat no response is heard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude sets his camera near tha Winchesta rifle, n' leaves tha room. Five minutes later, his schmoooove ass came back tha fuck into tha room, n' notices dat tha Winchesta rifle was violently thrown against a wall yo. Dude takes tha Winchesta n' camera, n' leaves tha room. Yo ass might have noticed dat I aint mentioned Aren at all. This is cuz da thug was up in tha van, gettin thangs up in dis biatch from tha other three.
At tha end of tha episode, they looked all up in tha footage of tha camera near tha Winchesta n' shit. They saw tha Winchesta bein levitated, n' it bein thrown at a wall. Finally, tha four give props ta tha biatch, n' tha credits roll.
November 20th, 2011
Da next episode was called "Myrtlez Plantation". Well shiiiit, it had tha same intro as before yo, but wit all dem clips from dis episode. Well shiiiit, it fuckin started wit Aren rollin tha Express on a highway somewhere up in Louisiana, while da perved-out muthafucka say "Today, on Fright Doggy Den Screamers, we is goin ta git all up in tha Myrtlez Plantation, a hustled plantation up in St. Frankieville, Louisiana." It cut ta tha Express goin tha fuck into tha parkin lot, n' tha four teenagers enter tha lobby. They rap ta a playa whoz ass just finished a trip wit a cold-ass lil crew, n' gave dem a trip round tha plantation.
After tha tour, Trestan holla'd "I gotta say dis yo, but has tha Plantation experienced any rise up in paranormal activity?" n' tha playa holla'd "Yes yes y'all. Yesterday, I was settin a funky-ass bed, when I gots a scratch on mah arm." Dude lifted his sleeve up n' there was a gangbangin' faint scratch mark on his thugged-out arm yo. Dude continued "I knew dat I didn't scratch mah dirty ass on anythang up in tha room." Trestan holla'd "Hm, thatz odd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be thinkin we locked n loaded ta be locked up in tha plantation." n' it cut ta commercials. When it gots back ta tha show, tha playa locked tha plantation down, n' Trestan did a EVP session all up in tha stairs.
''Trestan: This is Trestan Yae, along wit Jonathan Taylor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. We is bustin a EVP session all up in tha Myrtlez Plantation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Is anybody here?''
A whisper is heard, which is replayed.
''Unknown spirit: Yes yes y'all. ''
''Trestan: If mah playas is here, tell me yo' name. ''
Another whisper is heard, n' replayed.
''Unknown spirit: I be William.''
''Trestan: If yo ass is tha spirit of Lil' Willy Winter, strutt up tha stairs. ''
Da infrared camera of Jonathanz captures a human-shaped blob crawlin up tha stairs. Jonathan bigs up tha blob yo, but tha blob stops all up in tha 17th step.
''Jonathan: Trestan, I just captured suttin' struttin up tha stairs.''
''Trestan: Jonathan, I be thinkin Lil' Willy might be up in tha doggy den wit us. ''
Yet another whisper is heard n' replayed.
''William: I am. Why don't you be thinkin so?''
It skips by 20 minutes.
''Trestan: We leavin now, Lil' Willy If there be any last lyrics you'd like ta say before our slick asses leave, talk!''
''William: Watch out.''
All of a sudden, a thugged-out door slams near tha stairs. Trestan say "Jonathan, did you peep that?" Jonathan replies "I be thinkin there might be mo' than one spirit up in tha room. I mean, Lil' Willy can't be dis mad...well, can he?" After this, Jonathan strutts off, presumably ta another part of tha house. Commercials start playing, n' it goes back ta tha show. Jonathan sets a cold-ass lil camera up on a table, n' lets it play. Five minutes later, when tha sun comes up, Jonathan findz tha camera on tha floor yo. Dude picks it up, n' gets outta tha house.
Da Screamers reviewed tha footage of tha camera dat was knocked ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Well shiiiit, it starts up wit not a god damn thang fo' tha straight-up original gangsta two n' a half hours fo' realz. A cold spot appears near tha camera, n' tha camera gets pushed off tha table n' falls ta tha floor, where it sits fo' tha rest of tha footage. Trestan say "I gots a question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Why do you be thinkin there be a mo' activitizzle than usual when we film here?" n' Aren say "I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I hope there be a a explanation fo' all dis bullshit." After Aren say his fuckin line, tha credits roll.
November 21st, 2011
Da third n' last aired episode was called "Da Lizzie Borden House". Well shiiiit, it started wit Aren rollin tha van on a Massachusetts highway, n' holla'd up in a ill voice "Today, on Fright Doggy Den Screamers, we goin ta tha Lizzie Borden House." Dude proceedz ta tell tha rap of Lizzie Borden. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. After this, tha van pulls up tha fuck into tha parkin lot, n' tha Screamers enter tha house. They rap ta a playa whoz ass works all up in tha house, n' he proceedz ta give tha Screamers a trip of tha Doggy Den fo' realz. After tha tour, Trestan blandly holla'd "Has there been any increased paranormal activitizzle here?"
Da playa say "Yes yes y'all. Last night, when I was closin tha doggy den down, I heard one of mah thugs whisper "Yo ass is never alone" up in mah ear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I ran outta tha doggy den as fast as I could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I aint a straight-up brave muthafucka, ta be honest!" Jim replied wit "Well, since we’re all here, go ahead n' lock our asses down up in tha house." n' it cut ta commercials fo' realz. After tha commercial break, tha playa locked tha doggy den down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da four was placed round different rooms up in tha House. Trestan was stationed up in tha Lizzie Borden Room, Jonathan was up in tha Emma Borden Room, Jim was up in tha Andrew Borden Room, n' Aren was up in tha Express, as always.
It first cut ta Trestan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Trestan just stayed up in his bangin room, n' had cameras set up at points up in his bangin room dat would record both aiiight n' infrared footage. Trestan holla'd "Is there mah playas here?" n' a cold-ass lil closet door was slammed shut. Trestan took one of tha infrared cameras n' looked round tha room. There was a cold-ass lil cold spot on tha closet door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Trestan reached his hand tha fuck into tha cold spot, n' it disappeared. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! While struttin back ta tha bed, his schmoooove ass captured a humanoid heat spot outside of tha house.
Trestan called Aren on tha radio, n' holla'd "Yo Aren, have you peeped a humanoid figure hustlin near tha van?" n' Aren replied wit "Uh, no, I haven't. But I be thinkin I saw a glowin orb, though." Da show went ta commercials, and, afta tha break, it revealed Jonathan bustin a EVP session up in tha Emma Borden Room.
''Jonathan: This is Jonathan Tay-Tay up in tha Emma Borden Room up in tha Lizzie Borden House. Is there mah playas up in dis room as I speak?''
No response is heard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it skips ta 3 minutes up in tha session.
''Jonathan: Lizzie, if you up in dis room, I wanna ask you a question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Did yo dirty ass bust a cap up in Abby n' Andrew Borden?''
A whisper is heard, n' is replayed.
''Unknown spirit: I aint Lizzie.''
''Jonathan: If there be a one of mah thugs up in dis room, can you tell me whoz ass did tha murders?''
Another whisper is heard n' replayed.
''Unknown spirit: It wasn't Lizzie.''
''Jonathan: We goin ta leave now fo' realz. Is there any last lyrics you wanna say?''
A louder whisper is heard.
''Unknown spirit: IT WASN'T LIZZIE!''
One of tha lamps is thrown at Jonathan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Even though dat shiznit was a lockdown, Jonathan just runs outta tha room, down tha stairs, up tha door, n' tha fuck into tha van, where Trestan n' Aren are. Trestan say "Whatz wrong?" n' Jonathan holla'd "While I was bustin a EVP, a lamp was thrown at me!" n' Trestan say "Fuck dat shit, thatz pretty bad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Any second now, Jim should be here" We peep Jim run outta tha doggy den n' tha fuck into tha van. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Jim holla'd "I was scratched by a spirit!" lifts his sleeve up, n' on his thugged-out arm, you could peep a newly formed scratch.
After that, it cuts ta when tha sun rises. Jonathan gets all tha cameras, n' looks all up in tha footage taken up in tha room Trestan was in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Nothang unusual happens, until tha second tha camera was turned off fo' realz. A warm, humanoid spot could be peeped up in tha corner n' shit. Until tha credits, tha four argue why tha paranormal thangs is happening.
November 22nd, 2011
Da uncompleted episode would done been called "Da Asylum". Well shiiiit, it starts up like normal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Da Screamers is goin ta a crazy asylum, tha playa there drops some lyrics ta dem a unusual paranormal experience dat schmoooove muthafucka had recently, n' they git locked in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Most of tha lockdown footage is complete, except fo' all dem missin minutes. Trestan Yae is struttin along a funky-ass balcony wit a infrared camera, when da perved-out muthafucka spots tha same ol' dirty humanoid figure from tha Lizzie Borden episode climbin a tree yo. Dude calls Aren, n' say "Aren, dat humanoidz here again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I wonder what tha fuck da thug wants from us."
Suddenly, a thug scream is heard, as well as laughter from a gangbangin' finger-lickin' different man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Trestan calls Jonathan n' say "Jonathan, did you hear dat scream?" But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat there be a no response. Trestan starts panicking, n' say "Jonathan, biatch? JONATHAN?" Trestan calls Aren n' say "Aren, Jonathan aint respondin on tha radio." Aren say "This aint good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Yo ass need ta find Jim n' git outta here." Trestan say "Okay, I be bout ta find his muthafuckin ass." Dude runs down a hallway, sayin "Jim, biatch? Where is yo slick ass, biatch? JIM?!" n' Jim came from another hallway n' rams tha fuck into Trestan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. After Trestan stumblez ta tha floor, Jim say "Trestan, I found Jonathan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat punk dead as fuckin fried chicken." n' Trestan say "What?" n' Jim say "I found his ass hangin from a hole on tha fifth floor."
Trestan gots up, dusted his dirty ass off, n' say "We need ta find his body." Jim warns "Fuck dat shit, itz too dangerous. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone or suttin' is stalkin us, n' whatever it is, I be thinkin it capped Jonathan." Trestan exclaims "We need ta git outta dis place now!" They run all tha way ta tha door yo, but it is shut. Jim swears, gets a cold-ass lil chair, n' rams all up in tha door, breakin one of tha hinges. They run ta tha van, n' Aren asks "What happened ta Jonathan?" Jim say "Dat punk dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone or suttin' is stalkin us." Aren gets a funky-ass beeper n' calls tha police. While he is bustin this, Trestan locks tha door, n' gets a infrared camera out. Right before tha five-o arrive, Trestan focuses tha camera on a gangbangin' figure dat was standin on tha balcony. Da figure was tall, lanky, n' seemed ta be lookin straight at Trestan n' laughing.
Eventually, tha five-o arrive, n' they rap ta Jim bout Jonathan.
''Policeman: Jim Smizzle, where was you when you found Jonathanz body?''
''Jim: Well, I was struttin down a cold-ass lil corridor cuz I saw a cold-ass lil cold spot move down it, when I saw suttin' hangin from a hole up in tha ceiling. I gots closer ta tha hole n' tha thang turned up ta be Jonathanz body.''
''Policeman: What was tha body like?''
''Jim: There was some maggots crawlin on his body yo. His neck was cut wit a knife, n' dat schmoooove muthafucka had claw marks on his chest.''
And tha survivin footage ends.
Yo ass know, I be thinkin I gots a reason Fright Doggy Den Screamers ended like dis shit. Yo ass see, Trestan left Kool as fuck Appy ta work on Fright Doggy Den Screamers yo, but Freddrick thought otherwise, n' wanted his ass ta keep hustlin on Kool as fuck Appy. To do this, dat schmoooove muthafucka had ta bust a cap up in Jonathan ta end tha show so his schmoooove ass could force Trestan back tha fuck into Kool as fuck Appy. I be straight-up glad Freddrickz took a dirtnap, nahmeean, biatch?
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''Rapped by .''